It's been a year now since Samuel was born....still.
Some moments still choke me with tears welling up. My arms are empty. My milk is dry.
There's an empty spot in my heart.
And yet I am rich with an experience. Although short, it was bitter-sweet to have Samuel growing and then lingering within my womb. I longed for the fluttering, the kicks to mama that said "I'm okay". I could only identify one kick that I knew was definitely him. Just one strong flutter to mama. But that memory is a gift he gave me. Something from my little boy to the mama that carried him.
Today we remember (as we do all the other days, too). You are loved and missed by your whole family.
Showing posts with label childbirth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childbirth. Show all posts
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
7 Things You (Probably) Don't Know About Me
1. My feet went from about a size 8 to a 9-9.5 shoe due to pregnancies, and have not returned to their previous size. I somehow did not read about this Hazard in the Pregnancy Literature.
2. I won the Elementary School Top Student Award in Grade 7 (Teachers Pet) and received an S badge and a coffee table book on Photography.
3. I begged my dad for a new 10-speed bike and received one over the summer, to have it stolen by October. I swear I locked it up at the school bike rack!
4. I get faint at the thought of needles, and have been dragged across the gymnasium floor after getting a shot, and once I fainted at the medical clinic (after getting a few tubes of blood taken) when I needed to use their telephone to call home and get some pertinent information. When I went down, so did the nurses stack of files and papers ;) I can deliver a baby no problem, just don't prick me!
5. I no longer believe that hell is an eternal place.
6. I think that a woman's breasts are fascinating.
7. I still don't bake with raisins, but I am more likely to eat your baking with raisins in it than I used to. I was so adamantly against raisins in any type of food that when Everette once snuck 1 lonely raisin into my morning oatmeal, the moment my mouth identified the foreign object it was propelled across the table to my astonished husbands chest.
2. I won the Elementary School Top Student Award in Grade 7 (Teachers Pet) and received an S badge and a coffee table book on Photography.
3. I begged my dad for a new 10-speed bike and received one over the summer, to have it stolen by October. I swear I locked it up at the school bike rack!
4. I get faint at the thought of needles, and have been dragged across the gymnasium floor after getting a shot, and once I fainted at the medical clinic (after getting a few tubes of blood taken) when I needed to use their telephone to call home and get some pertinent information. When I went down, so did the nurses stack of files and papers ;) I can deliver a baby no problem, just don't prick me!
5. I no longer believe that hell is an eternal place.
6. I think that a woman's breasts are fascinating.
7. I still don't bake with raisins, but I am more likely to eat your baking with raisins in it than I used to. I was so adamantly against raisins in any type of food that when Everette once snuck 1 lonely raisin into my morning oatmeal, the moment my mouth identified the foreign object it was propelled across the table to my astonished husbands chest.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
3 Years Ago
Three years ago today we were On The Road.
Across Canada.
Everette in the mini-van with 5 children and stuffed to the rims with sleeping bags, blankets, clothes and books. I was driving the station wagon with the 2.5 month old baby and one of the children (on rotation with one from the van) with all the other space taken up with tools, more books, scrapbooking supplies and more clothes. One was risking a life or limb to open any of the vehicle doors lest something tumble out. It was packed incredibly tight.
And the excitement was incredibly high.
I remember as we drove down our street away from the house where our last 4 children were birthed and one tiny was buried, and we saw our neighbours waving from their front porch, I was choked. Excitement and fear blended together and quietly they traveled slowly down my cheek.
We'd never been in such an adventure before.
We didn't really comprehend all that we were leaving behind, and neither did we know all that we were moving towards.
But we hit the road.
Minus our eldest 2 daughters.
That was pretty much the hardest part about the journey. That 'Letting Go' that parents know they will sometime have to do. But when that moment is staring at you, seemingly ripping your heart out, leaving your heart in BC while your wheels are taking you to Cape Breton, driving through the Fraser Valley crying out "What on earth are we doing?" and wondering if Everette and I are crazy.
Nobody could understand what we were doing. After all, we weren't really sure what we were doing either. But we knew in slightly-more-than-a-moment's decision that we must go when we heard that my sister's house had burned down. We knew in our hearts. The mind can say what it wants, but when the message is Oh So Clear in your heart, then you know what you need to do. Follow your heart.
I am so thankful for the journey we have had these past 3 years.
Today, I remember the beginning of this leg of the journey. And I am Eternally Grateful.
Across Canada.
Everette in the mini-van with 5 children and stuffed to the rims with sleeping bags, blankets, clothes and books. I was driving the station wagon with the 2.5 month old baby and one of the children (on rotation with one from the van) with all the other space taken up with tools, more books, scrapbooking supplies and more clothes. One was risking a life or limb to open any of the vehicle doors lest something tumble out. It was packed incredibly tight.
And the excitement was incredibly high.
I remember as we drove down our street away from the house where our last 4 children were birthed and one tiny was buried, and we saw our neighbours waving from their front porch, I was choked. Excitement and fear blended together and quietly they traveled slowly down my cheek.
We'd never been in such an adventure before.
We didn't really comprehend all that we were leaving behind, and neither did we know all that we were moving towards.
But we hit the road.
Minus our eldest 2 daughters.
That was pretty much the hardest part about the journey. That 'Letting Go' that parents know they will sometime have to do. But when that moment is staring at you, seemingly ripping your heart out, leaving your heart in BC while your wheels are taking you to Cape Breton, driving through the Fraser Valley crying out "What on earth are we doing?" and wondering if Everette and I are crazy.
Nobody could understand what we were doing. After all, we weren't really sure what we were doing either. But we knew in slightly-more-than-a-moment's decision that we must go when we heard that my sister's house had burned down. We knew in our hearts. The mind can say what it wants, but when the message is Oh So Clear in your heart, then you know what you need to do. Follow your heart.
I am so thankful for the journey we have had these past 3 years.
Today, I remember the beginning of this leg of the journey. And I am Eternally Grateful.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Laars L.O.V.E.'S My 'Mama Belly'
Like many mama's, particularly those that have had many pregnancies, my belly is not smooth and sleek. I have wide stretch-marks; ribbons of honor for all the babies that have blossomed from within.
Maybe it feels like kneading dough with his toes. I often find him kneading my belly with his feet as he awakens in the morning in our bed. Later, his hands slip under my shirt for a soft poke into my belly while I'm working in the kitchen. I sweetly shoo him 'out' while his eyes twinkle at me and a grin spreads across his mouth. Like a little game, he comes again, usually while I'm working, as if he's hoping I won't notice.
How could I not notice!
That Little Boy Has My Heart
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Toveli's Day Today
EIGHT!
Hard to believe it's 8 years ago already since our
'Good Happiness'
joined our family,
out of the womb.
I remember her birth so well. The moment I realized I was in labor. The anticipation of Everette getting home from work. You know how it is......I was at about 42 weeks, and every day could have been 'the' day, but Monday was when my midwife had to go to training all day long, and Everette had to get a tiling job completed for a client. It was then, about 9:20 am as their work days had begun that I called them to say that I was in labor.
My 2 most recent labors had been really fast, like 49 mins & 1 1/2 hrs, but they were at the hospital and after AROM, so we didn't know what to expect. Of course, thats an exciting part of labor & childbirth. One just never knows!!
It wasn't until I was actually in labor that Everette said we could have a homebirth (my dream). Fortunately, my midwife, Joanne, was so supportive of our freedom to choose that she had already agreed to come see me at the house and decide while in labor if I would stay home or not. Of course, her and I had already made plans for a homebirth but we weren't going to pressure Everette into it.
When Everette saw Joanne bring in all her medical stuff, he felt much more comfortable about the whole thing. Oxygen. IV's. He started to relax. And then when he got to go to his own fridge for a snack during labor, he was thrilled to stay home for labor. And when he helped Joanne pack up her stuff at the end of the day, and she was the one to drive away while he re-entered his own house to find all his children and his wife tucked in their beds, all snug under the same roof with newborn daughter tucked snuggly in our own bed....he was SOLD on homebirthing.
Our first homebirth.
Born on our bed.
Fuzzy shoulders
rolled up fat as she descended
and got stuck temporarily on her way out,
but when Daddy caught her
the warm fat oozed between his fingers,
filling his hands and heart with such warmth.
He still fondly remembers that moment.
Today, Toveli is anything but fat,
but she certainly is warm and cuddly.
Her smile can melt you.
Her eyes sparkle.
She dances and twirls like a real ballerina.
Graceful like a princess.
She doesn't wear dresses as much as she used to,
but is still very much a princess.
Toveli picked a menu of Zucchini Spaghetti with Marinara Sauce. Mitchell shows you how long one of those noodles is!! 
For dessert Toveli picked having a raw fruit fondue. The caramel sauce was just soaked dates (about 1 cup), lime juice and some celtic salt whizzed until thick and creamy in the blender.
The chocolate sauce was coconut oil, coconut butter, cacao & stevia.
A big hit with the family, and so pretty. A guilt-free finish to a healthy birthday celebration.
Maret has a love of art, creativity and giving. And so she worked for days on creating a shadow box and puppets as a gift for Toveli.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Importance of Sleep
In today's world its a challenge to find real darkness, and to get sleep during the right hours. Dr Mercola gives tips for how to accomplish this and encourages to overcome the challenges. Sleep is That Important!
As a side note, I remember years ago reading a book (I think it was 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility') that mentioned that for some women to regulate their cycles and achieve conception, they might have to do very specific things to black out their sleeping spot, like putting foil in the windows, removing digital clocks or any source of light (no matter how little it seems), even blocking light from coming in around the bedroom door. Any of this could interfere with her fertility. The point that I remember is that a woman's cycle would naturally be in-sync with the phases of the moon, in days before electricity!
What I hear Paul Nison saying in regards to his Daylight Diet isn't so much about the health of the food that we eat, but how and when we eat so that we get a good rest at night while sleeping which is when our bodies cleanse and rebuild.....and that's where our health really comes from. The quality of our sleep.
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Centrality of the Home
Oh my!!
Here is a hot audio by Voddie Bauchum. You might not like it. But there is truth here. It might 'hurt' if you are involved with or run a Youth Group at your church. It might hurt if you have stopped with having 2 children, or maybe 3. Voddie hits hard, but this is a message that needs to be heard.
This audio is the foundation of Voddie's book Family Driven Faith. It's about how we are to Evangelize and Disciple the Next Generation. How are we doing it? Well, statistically the church has failed. At this rate there will be just a handful of Christians in a few more generations here in America.
Question for You: How do you think it is best to pass on your values to the next generation?
Here is a hot audio by Voddie Bauchum. You might not like it. But there is truth here. It might 'hurt' if you are involved with or run a Youth Group at your church. It might hurt if you have stopped with having 2 children, or maybe 3. Voddie hits hard, but this is a message that needs to be heard.
This audio is the foundation of Voddie's book Family Driven Faith. It's about how we are to Evangelize and Disciple the Next Generation. How are we doing it? Well, statistically the church has failed. At this rate there will be just a handful of Christians in a few more generations here in America.
Question for You: How do you think it is best to pass on your values to the next generation?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Our Son Samuel
His heart beat but a little while,
his body filled my womb for weeks longer.
Today he was born into my hands
Little but precious
Born still, but still born.
Samuel Xavier Douglas Johnson
Though my womb and hands are empty of him
My heart is full from him.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Reducing Infant Mortality
I found this video refreshing, because these are mostly people who work/ed in hospital environments, and they see the stats that support less intervention in pregnancy, more education for mothers, and the great need for midwives to help the medical system be relieved of some of the work load so they can deal with those that are in need of surgery and more specialized care due to disease and such.
The comment is made that only in America is a surgeon there at non-complicated births, when somebody not trained in surgery could have done the same work. Canada, too. Sad. No wonder our systems are overloaded and failing.
Again, pregnancy, labour and delivery are not inherintly dangerous. They are miraculous moments where families are born or enlarged, and generally don't require medical intervention.
Yes, it can be great to have medical technology and trained hands to help when/if a problem arises. But to assume that problems will arise is foolishness.
Near the end of this video a lady talks about the public thinking that midwifery is only for use in the home environment, when it is also available for in-hospital. And yet here in Nova Scotia, as I shared in a previous post (Midwifery in Nova Scotia : I'm Irked!) the midwives can't do homebirths but ONLY hospital births. It's unfortunate. At least in British Columbia you can use a midwife for either a homebirth or a hospital birth. You get to pick the place.
Question for You: What's your views on midwifery?
The comment is made that only in America is a surgeon there at non-complicated births, when somebody not trained in surgery could have done the same work. Canada, too. Sad. No wonder our systems are overloaded and failing.
Again, pregnancy, labour and delivery are not inherintly dangerous. They are miraculous moments where families are born or enlarged, and generally don't require medical intervention.
Yes, it can be great to have medical technology and trained hands to help when/if a problem arises. But to assume that problems will arise is foolishness.
Near the end of this video a lady talks about the public thinking that midwifery is only for use in the home environment, when it is also available for in-hospital. And yet here in Nova Scotia, as I shared in a previous post (Midwifery in Nova Scotia : I'm Irked!) the midwives can't do homebirths but ONLY hospital births. It's unfortunate. At least in British Columbia you can use a midwife for either a homebirth or a hospital birth. You get to pick the place.
Question for You: What's your views on midwifery?
Born at Home
Question for You: If you've had a homebirth, what has been your favorite part of the whole experience?
Born in love.
Where I was lovingly conceived.
With those who care surrounding me.
In my own unhurried time.
Born with no agendas other than to be born.
Where it seemed appropriate for mama to be at the time.
In the right position for the moment.
A quiet room, where candles flicker.
Where no needles jab;
no needless ointment to blur the vision.
I find mommy's arms and her warm breast.
The voice I've heard for months;
The voice I love. It comforts me.
I feel the skin of my loved ones; they caress.
Born at home.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Midwifery in Nova Scotia : I'm Irked!!
Ok, let's say I'm a bit perturbed. Ticked-off. The government and the medical field are looking worse and worse in my eyes almost daily. They are imposing and controlling where they don't have true authority. The unfortunate thing is that it seems that citizens are wanting authorities to decide for them. I think the boundary has been over-stepped. For those of us who acknowledge our own responsibility for our lives, we just want to be able to make different decisions for ourselves. But our options are limited. Our freedom is not freedom.
Yes, I need to be praying.
I am shocked that such a recent change in laws here in Nova Scotia would be even more limiting to midwifery. They are degressing here. Such a shame.
Here I am, living on the south end of Cape Breton. The population of the island is roughly 100,000 people. Fairly large island approx 10,300 sq km. It's a beautiful island, rugged and wild. But disappointing in the midwifery department.
So, the nearest hospital to us is about a 35 min drive; it's considered a 'bandage' centre. The 'real' hospitals are in Sydney (1 hr 10 mins north of here on a terribly windy car-sick kinda drive, almost unusable during the winter), or Antigonish on the north end of the mainland (about 1 hr 20 mins south-west of here).
In March of this year, the Nova Scotia government enacted legislation regulating midwifery. There are now 3 'test' sites throughout (?)the province (NONE for Cape Breton) where they have hired midwives to supposedly provide 'midwifery' care. One of the test sites is in Halifax, one is in the South Shore District, and the last is Antigonish. But get this!!! These midwives are only permitted to do hospital births. No homebirths. NO HOMEBIRTHS!!!
They say they "have integrated midwifery services into their existing primary maternity health care teams." That's simply hospital care. Ob/gyns, doctors, the whole hospital-based mentality people who see disease and accidents and trauma all day long, and of course are more likely to see labour and delivery as more of the same. Another opportunity to 'fix it', even if it doesn't need fixing but rather it needs to be left alone.
So for the 100,000 people on Cape Breton the only midwife available is on the mainland, and is tethered to the hospital. So there is no homebirths allowed. None for the province.
I find that so ironic. They pass legislation to regulate midwifery, and what do you get? A hospital birth. To me, that is just undermining the whole philosophy of midwifery, and one of the main reasons why women want a midwife in the first place. It isn't just the longer appointments you get with a midwife versus the rushed 10 minutes with a Dr. It's the perspective that pregnancy, labour and birth are natural events, not a sickness or disease, nor an accident, nor an emergency waiting to happen. It's a natural occurence in life. There is no reason to routinely treat it as something dangerous.
Question for You: Do you know if midwifery is legal in your area? Do you even care about midwifery?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Beautiful Birth slideshow
If you want to watch a beautiful and decently discrete b&w slide-show of a homebirth, this is great. Even my dc watched with me.
Question for You: Are you a pregnancy and birth junkie like me?
Question for You: Are you a pregnancy and birth junkie like me?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Laars is Two!
Our 3rd son turned 2 on Friday. I had made a post early and thought I uploaded it on his Birthday, but then I was dismayed not to find it up there. Well, turns out it is dated as posted on the 17th because that's when I originally started working on it.
So, now I'm changing the post and it'll be late! But I wanted to recognize his birthday, a day of blessing to us and those who love him....and a gift to the world that God loves so much.
Everette always catches a snapshot of the moon or the sunrise on the day each of our dc are born. Laars was born early morning while it was still dark, and this is the sunrise that morning from our patio.
Precious Little Feet
I know that each and every baby is a blessing not only to the family, but they are actually a gift to the whole world! Baby Laars had a few attacks on his life in the womb (the placenta started to separate 2 times in 2nd semester), I had 2 dreams of his life being threatened by demons(I rarely remember my dreams), and at his birth he was born with his umbilical cord broken at both ends....very uncommon.
He is happy, healthy and wise! A real treat to the whole family.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SON!
Question for You: Do you have a tradition you did for each of your childrens' births?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Our Journey to Quiverfull
Everette and I met and were married within 5.5 mths. Two weeks after our wedding night we conceived Layne. It hadn't been in our plans, but we were excited. Seventeen & half mths later Rauchelle was born. Four months later I conceived again but that ended in our first miscarriage (m/c). It seemed obvious to us that if we didn't pursue something stronger than the mini-pill and condoms/spermicide, we'd be multiplying like rabbits. We didn't like the idea of long-term pharmaceuticals.
Our pastor had pre-maritally suggested we not have children for at least 2 years into our marriage so we could really get to know one another. We obviously hadn't followed that plan (well, we had intended on waiting 4 years, but we started out differently than we had anticipated. And its turned out fantastic!) Now as parents of 2 dd's and a recent m/c, we sought 'spiritual counsel' from other married couples in the church, and they each suggested that "the guy should get a vasectomy because the wife's already been through enough with the pregnancies and deliveries." We also heard that "women will always have that nurturing desire/urge to have more babies" and "God gave you a brain and He expects you to use it", and "You are supposed to be good stewards."
So, we dutifully went ahead and Everette had a quick and free vasectomy.
At first we thought it was like a new-found freedom. We no longer worried about getting pregnant, and didn't have to bother with paraphernalia. We had the 'perfect little family' of two girls close in age. What could be better?
After a few years I started to regret the vasectomy, and the self-inflicted infertility that we had brought to our marriage. I started to question the reasons why we had decided to limit our family size, and basically it came down to an underlying issue of FEAR and SELFISHNESS. Fear of the future, of the ability to provide physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally for more children. Fear of the state of the world we'd be bringing more children into. Selfishness concerning sleep, personal time, self-development, ministry involvement.
We never searched the Scriptures to see if what so-and-so said was true (Acts 17:11) which was a big mistake of ours. Although we had both grown up in the church and knew that children were considered blessings according to Psalm 127, we didn't consider that limiting our family size might be a form of rejecting what God considered a blessing. And honestly, we didn't seek God's will in the decision.
It was through God bringing particular people, books, teachings and events into our lives that He began to speak clearly to my heart. I realized that I had rejected His perfect plan for the Christian marriage which I believe is to enjoy the marriage bed AND ... "Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth." (Malachi 2:15)
Yes, I know that Malachi is saying that He wants godly offspring and it can be argued that we would have more time to devote to achieving godly offspring if we had fewer children, but a major element about all of life and the stuff (ie. ministry) that we do is that we predominantly do it in our own strength vs abiding in Him (that's a whole other post!)
Anyways, from Scripture it's very clear that God likes children, He calls them a blessing, He even calls grandchildren (which you can't have unless you've had some children somehow) "a crown to the aged" Prov 17:6
Throughout the Old & New Testaments I repeatedly find that God is a God of fruitfulness and multiplication, and ever since the Garden of Eden He's been wanting His people to be blessed likewise.....Be fruitful and multiply.
Throughout Deuteronomy but particularly in chapter 28 I find clear descriptions of what He says are Blessings, and the things that He calls Curses. Verses 4 & 11 both talk about being fruitful in the womb. Verse 11 actually says "The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb". What? Abundant prosperity?? Doesn't our mindset say that the fruit of the womb will suck our bank accounts dry? I've heard that until each of our children are 18yo he/she will cost us something like US$250,000?
On the other hand, if "you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:....v18 The fruit of your womb will be cursed". Other books in the Old Testament talk of times that God said He closed the wombs because of judgment. A closed womb was never considered a desirable thing, until recent history. That isn't because God changed His view on the womb and children, but because society has changed its view on His blessings.
When I read the whole 28th chapter of Deut, I find that the fruit of the womb is about the only thing mentioned as a blessing that in today's society we choose to limit or even resist. Okay, maybe I wouldn't desire a herd of cattle, but considering that they were a great source of income as was olive oil, I'd gladly accept an abundance of that! I wouldn't want to limit or reject anything that God says is desirable!! The blessings are because the LORD wants to grant us abundant prosperity.
I started to get grossed out thinking about what we had actually done to Everette's body, that had once been working wonderfully according to God's plan (but not ours). When I researched about vasectomies and found out what undo stress it places on the man's body (because fluids that were meant to be kept within the vas deferens now went into the body cavity and were seen as invaders), I was anxious for Everette to have a reversal, even if we never had more children. I wanted his body to be working the way it was designed.
There were many issues we had to work out in our individual lives, and hash over as a couple. Months after I was convicted that we hadn't trusted God fully, Everette came to his own realization. Honestly, I did hope to have more children, but Everette didn't particularly desire more. He was content with the 2 we had, and really the sole purpose that he pursued a reversal was to make right what he had done out of lack-of-faith. He felt it was necessary for him to pay restitution for his sin.
It was 6.5 yrs since he'd had a vasectomy, and once we found the right surgeon to do the operation, they wanted to check his level of sperm-antibodies before agreeing to the surgery (lower antibodies supposedly equals greater chance of successful outcome meaning pregnancy). But even before we got the blood test results back Everette decided that it had nothing to do with the possibility of conception, but being made clean before the Lord. It was within our means to have a reversal (free snips for the vas, but thousands of dollars to get it reversed!! Oh, and its a lie (from the pit of hell) that a guy gets 'fixed' when he gets a vasectomy! He's gotten broken.)
We anxiously awaited the surgery date, which was February 16th, 2 days after we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Everette felt like he was awaiting a big spanking.....while I anticipated receiving more children from the hand of God. But both of us felt utter peace...unexplainable peace...during the time immediately around the surgery. That peace has remained all these years as long as we keep abiding in Him, and don't get our eyes onto our own limitations.
Absolutely amazing to me was that the first cycle I had after Everette was 'back to normal', we conceived Danaka. That was a miracle. It is normal to conceive between 3-12 months after the reversal.
So for those that don't know each of our children and their spacing, here's a list of the of the girls and boys and the years they were born.
DD1 1986
DD2 1988
m/c 1988
reversal 1996
DD3 1996
DS1 1998
DD4 2000
m/c 2001
DD5 2002
m/c 2003
DD6 2004
DS2 2006
DS3 2007
m/c 2009
expecting 2010
I've often thought about writing out what my QF (quiverful) philosophy is, and so I've given it a try. Hope it makes sense. It is part philosophy, but mostly our journey. A journey in growing in our faith in a good God who has abundance for us. Abundance in ALL things that are good.
**Now, a common misconception (no pun intended) is that quiverful is equal to having lots of children. That just is not true. Quiverful is more of a mindset rather than a particular look. One can be quiverful with 1,5,8 or 20 children. The goal is not 'more is better'. It's a trust that God has a perfect family size and spacing for each married couple, and we won't end up with too many nor too few by not using contraceptives.
***Stupid Comments and Smart Come-backs
Question for You: If you have a larger-than-average family size, what are some of the stupidest questions you've been asked?
NOTE: As of July 2011 neither my dh nor I attest to be QF-minded. We have gone through a few years of questioning our religious beliefs, which have made us re-evaluate our QF beliefs. I no longer stand by what I wrote above.
Our pastor had pre-maritally suggested we not have children for at least 2 years into our marriage so we could really get to know one another. We obviously hadn't followed that plan (well, we had intended on waiting 4 years, but we started out differently than we had anticipated. And its turned out fantastic!) Now as parents of 2 dd's and a recent m/c, we sought 'spiritual counsel' from other married couples in the church, and they each suggested that "the guy should get a vasectomy because the wife's already been through enough with the pregnancies and deliveries." We also heard that "women will always have that nurturing desire/urge to have more babies" and "God gave you a brain and He expects you to use it", and "You are supposed to be good stewards."
So, we dutifully went ahead and Everette had a quick and free vasectomy.
At first we thought it was like a new-found freedom. We no longer worried about getting pregnant, and didn't have to bother with paraphernalia. We had the 'perfect little family' of two girls close in age. What could be better?
After a few years I started to regret the vasectomy, and the self-inflicted infertility that we had brought to our marriage. I started to question the reasons why we had decided to limit our family size, and basically it came down to an underlying issue of FEAR and SELFISHNESS. Fear of the future, of the ability to provide physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally for more children. Fear of the state of the world we'd be bringing more children into. Selfishness concerning sleep, personal time, self-development, ministry involvement.
We never searched the Scriptures to see if what so-and-so said was true (Acts 17:11) which was a big mistake of ours. Although we had both grown up in the church and knew that children were considered blessings according to Psalm 127, we didn't consider that limiting our family size might be a form of rejecting what God considered a blessing. And honestly, we didn't seek God's will in the decision.
It was through God bringing particular people, books, teachings and events into our lives that He began to speak clearly to my heart. I realized that I had rejected His perfect plan for the Christian marriage which I believe is to enjoy the marriage bed AND ... "Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth." (Malachi 2:15)
Yes, I know that Malachi is saying that He wants godly offspring and it can be argued that we would have more time to devote to achieving godly offspring if we had fewer children, but a major element about all of life and the stuff (ie. ministry) that we do is that we predominantly do it in our own strength vs abiding in Him (that's a whole other post!)
Anyways, from Scripture it's very clear that God likes children, He calls them a blessing, He even calls grandchildren (which you can't have unless you've had some children somehow) "a crown to the aged" Prov 17:6
Throughout the Old & New Testaments I repeatedly find that God is a God of fruitfulness and multiplication, and ever since the Garden of Eden He's been wanting His people to be blessed likewise.....Be fruitful and multiply.
Throughout Deuteronomy but particularly in chapter 28 I find clear descriptions of what He says are Blessings, and the things that He calls Curses. Verses 4 & 11 both talk about being fruitful in the womb. Verse 11 actually says "The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb". What? Abundant prosperity?? Doesn't our mindset say that the fruit of the womb will suck our bank accounts dry? I've heard that until each of our children are 18yo he/she will cost us something like US$250,000?
On the other hand, if "you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:....v18 The fruit of your womb will be cursed". Other books in the Old Testament talk of times that God said He closed the wombs because of judgment. A closed womb was never considered a desirable thing, until recent history. That isn't because God changed His view on the womb and children, but because society has changed its view on His blessings.
When I read the whole 28th chapter of Deut, I find that the fruit of the womb is about the only thing mentioned as a blessing that in today's society we choose to limit or even resist. Okay, maybe I wouldn't desire a herd of cattle, but considering that they were a great source of income as was olive oil, I'd gladly accept an abundance of that! I wouldn't want to limit or reject anything that God says is desirable!! The blessings are because the LORD wants to grant us abundant prosperity.
I started to get grossed out thinking about what we had actually done to Everette's body, that had once been working wonderfully according to God's plan (but not ours). When I researched about vasectomies and found out what undo stress it places on the man's body (because fluids that were meant to be kept within the vas deferens now went into the body cavity and were seen as invaders), I was anxious for Everette to have a reversal, even if we never had more children. I wanted his body to be working the way it was designed.
There were many issues we had to work out in our individual lives, and hash over as a couple. Months after I was convicted that we hadn't trusted God fully, Everette came to his own realization. Honestly, I did hope to have more children, but Everette didn't particularly desire more. He was content with the 2 we had, and really the sole purpose that he pursued a reversal was to make right what he had done out of lack-of-faith. He felt it was necessary for him to pay restitution for his sin.
It was 6.5 yrs since he'd had a vasectomy, and once we found the right surgeon to do the operation, they wanted to check his level of sperm-antibodies before agreeing to the surgery (lower antibodies supposedly equals greater chance of successful outcome meaning pregnancy). But even before we got the blood test results back Everette decided that it had nothing to do with the possibility of conception, but being made clean before the Lord. It was within our means to have a reversal (free snips for the vas, but thousands of dollars to get it reversed!! Oh, and its a lie (from the pit of hell) that a guy gets 'fixed' when he gets a vasectomy! He's gotten broken.)
We anxiously awaited the surgery date, which was February 16th, 2 days after we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Everette felt like he was awaiting a big spanking.....while I anticipated receiving more children from the hand of God. But both of us felt utter peace...unexplainable peace...during the time immediately around the surgery. That peace has remained all these years as long as we keep abiding in Him, and don't get our eyes onto our own limitations.
Absolutely amazing to me was that the first cycle I had after Everette was 'back to normal', we conceived Danaka. That was a miracle. It is normal to conceive between 3-12 months after the reversal.
So for those that don't know each of our children and their spacing, here's a list of the of the girls and boys and the years they were born.
DD1 1986
DD2 1988
m/c 1988
reversal 1996
DD3 1996
DS1 1998
DD4 2000
m/c 2001
DD5 2002
m/c 2003
DD6 2004
DS2 2006
DS3 2007
m/c 2009
expecting 2010
I've often thought about writing out what my QF (quiverful) philosophy is, and so I've given it a try. Hope it makes sense. It is part philosophy, but mostly our journey. A journey in growing in our faith in a good God who has abundance for us. Abundance in ALL things that are good.
**Now, a common misconception (no pun intended) is that quiverful is equal to having lots of children. That just is not true. Quiverful is more of a mindset rather than a particular look. One can be quiverful with 1,5,8 or 20 children. The goal is not 'more is better'. It's a trust that God has a perfect family size and spacing for each married couple, and we won't end up with too many nor too few by not using contraceptives.
***Stupid Comments and Smart Come-backs
Question for You: If you have a larger-than-average family size, what are some of the stupidest questions you've been asked?
NOTE: As of July 2011 neither my dh nor I attest to be QF-minded. We have gone through a few years of questioning our religious beliefs, which have made us re-evaluate our QF beliefs. I no longer stand by what I wrote above.
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