Remembering Samuel

It's been a year now since Samuel was born....still.

Some moments still choke me with tears welling up.  My arms are empty.  My milk is dry.

There's an empty spot in my heart.

And yet I am rich with an experience. Although short, it was bitter-sweet to have Samuel growing and then lingering within my womb.  I longed for the fluttering, the kicks to mama that said "I'm okay".  I could only identify one kick that I knew was definitely him.  Just one strong flutter to mama.  But that memory is a gift he gave me.  Something from my little boy to the mama that carried him. 


Today we remember (as we do all the other days, too).  You are loved and missed by your whole family.

Lazy Sunday

Mom was returning to her condo today so we did some clean-up and uncluttering to make her transition back-home-now-with-9-extra-people-in-her-space hopefully less traumatic!  She said she had a great month away, and sounds like they had a great time at a family get-together in Drumheller this past week.

White Rock has their Farmer's Market on Sundays basically just outside my mom's condo building, so Everette and I frequent there when it opens at 9am.  The breads look incredibly tempting, and I sampled a chocolate cake that is made without butter or oil but uses beets (yes, the veggie beets!!) and my!! was it ever moist and yummy, very chocolatey but not real sweet.  Mmmmm!   (Natasha, you should learn to make one!!)  There's lots of people selling stone fruits and Chilliwack corn but very little of it is organic.  We purchase our organic produce from an Abbotsford vendor and get huge lettuces for $1.50!!  I'm impressed.

And today we found The Cranberry Lady and sampled 2 of her cranberry dressings on slices of apple.....and bought both of them.  Had the cranberry-orange on todays salad and it was yum, too!

Of course, I took the children swimming as is the daily practice while here at Gramma's.  Anders has been swimming now without a life-jacket for a week.  He's a busy boy doing somersaults under water, and spinning 'like a space ship', and trying to swim without holding his nose, and talking under water and asking, "Mommy, did you hear me?"

Laars is completely confident now with his life-jacket where 3 weeks ago he didn't even want to venture in the water, and if he did he certainly didn't want to let go of his Protector.  Now he lays on his back being a Starfish, and tries his awkward attempt (in bulky life-jacket) at a front stroke, and wants to collect 'n spit out that chlorinated water at his siblings.  Great fun!!

Laars is always wanting to 'Be a Baby' after a bath or a swim so this Mama wraps him up in a towel and snuggles for awhile.

I hope he doesn't grow out of this too soon!!

Ergo Baby Carriers

Ergo gets the SafBaby "Excellent" seal of approval.  "Safbaby's mission is to shine the light from potentially toxic and harmful choices we may unknowingly make for our children, onto SAFER ALTERNATIVES."  And so they have found the Ergobaby Organics baby carrier fits the criteria.

Also, Ergo recieved the "Jet With Kids Approved" seal. From their site: "At Jet With Kids, the ERGObaby Carrier is our preferred carrier for travel ...This carrier will last when your back won't - and your little travelers will appreciate the comfortable ride."




Additionally, ERGObaby's Organic carrier was selected by EcoBabyWorld as one of their top "Holiday Product Picks for 2009."

So, if you aren't already aware of the Ergo baby carrier you might just want to skip on over to their site  and check out what the talk is all about.  We have used our 2 Ergo carriers while we traveled across Canada and then circled much of the United States from Blaine, WA to Ft. Worth, TX, to Atlanta, GA to Houlton, ME on up to Cape Breton, Canada.  The carriers pack so well for traveling, they fit easily in suitcases if you need them to, and are easy to put on and take off even when you are alone with your baby(with some practice).


The huge difference I have found with this product verses other types is that the youngster doesn't dangle from their groin.  In the Ergo the child is sitting comfortably on their bum, and sort of piggy-backing safely on your back.  They don't get as grand a view over the top of your head like a framed pack where they ride high up and the weight is distributed much like a heavy backpack.  Granted, for long hikes those packs may be more comfortable for the adult person like my dh, Everette, who likes the weight up higher over his shoulders.  But I wouldn't think dangling from ones groin for a day hike would be comfortable nor healthy for the anatomy of a little person.


We've had those high backpack type carriers, plus we've had slings, and made our own wraps.  But overall, I like the Ergo, and its the only one we've kept (2 of them, actually!) even when we drastically scaled down our possessions.  I don't think I'll be getting rid of the Ergo's, ever.  They are totally washable, and I'll be able to use them with our grandchildren.


Question for You:  What is your favorite baby carrier, and why?

Celebrating Life

We can't help it. We try to eat healthy, but we haven't settled on something healthy to eat when we are celebrating. And with a bigger-than-average-sized family, we seem to always have something to celebrate. Or we can easily find something to celebrate. And we usually use Chocolate.



This has been a more difficult-than-average week for us with the loss of Samuel, but we are more than conquerors through Yeshua who gives us strength. So we're moving on.





We decided to have a bit of a celebration in memory of Samuel and the other sons we have lost through miscarriage. So, instead of focusing on our feelings of loss, and the moments we don't get to share with them here on earth, we celebrate that we know they are safe and whole and happy in heaven. They are in the constant presence of the Lord, worshiping in spirit and truth for eternity, and they are anxiously awaiting their big family's arrival someday on The Other Side.




Everette lit one candle for each of our precious little ones. Aarin (1988), Adam (2001), Nicky (2003), Sebastian (2009), Samuel (2009). And Toveli suggested that Mom & Dad blew the candles out since "you're the ones who had them."

On the fridge behind Maret's head you can see some notes she made. One says "Sammy is Alive with God" and the other says "God is with Sammy".



Now, we're getting prepped to celebrate Layne's 23rd and Danaka's 13th birthdays early before Layne heads back to BC. This time it's the world's best mixture of (not healthy-but really yummy) chocolate and cheesecake! Nothing compares!!

Question for You: What's your favorite dessert to have for family celebrations?

Our Son Samuel

His heart beat but a little while,



his body filled my womb for weeks longer.



Today he was born into my hands



Little but precious



Born still, but still born.



Samuel Xavier Douglas Johnson


Though my womb and hands are empty of him


My heart is full from him.

One Who Fills

Psalm 127: 3-5

Behold! The heritage of Hashem is children; a reward is the fruit of the womb. LIke arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of youth. Praiseworthy is the man who fills his quiver with them; they shall not be shamed, when they speak with enemies in the gate.

There's lots written about these scriptures so I'm not going to get into it.  But I wanted to share the thought that struck me last night while Everette read this during our Shabbat meal.  It's the point that the man is filling his quiver with them.  He is actively wanting the arrows.  He is purposing to get his quiver full of 'them' (ie children).

I'm not into a number game.  I don't care how many children a person has (although I do believe that ALL Christian marriages should have the fruit of children as per scriptures like Exodus 23:26).

The point I see here is that there is a heart issue at stake.  In our culture, and even within the church of Jesus Christ, children aren't truly embraced as blessings and rewards, and something we actively pursue.  Well, maybe alot of us pursue having 2 children, but not more than that.

I have heard people say that they don't want any more children and so they use birth control, and that if God really wants them to have another child (or two) then He can send them a 'surprise' by over-riding the birth control they are using.  That's absolutely true, for nothing is impossible with God.  However, that doesn't deal at all with the heart issues behind why it is that we don't want any more of the blessings and rewards that God has for us in the shape and form of children.  We wouldn't reject any other form of reward from Him, but feel that it is acceptable and even responsible and honorable to limit how many children we have.

My eye gazes upward on the page to Psalms 125. "Those who trust in Hashem are like Mount Zion that falters not, but abides forever. Jerusalem, mountains enwrap it, and Hashem enwraps His people, from this time and forever."

Thank You, Lord, for You protect us. Your love is forever present, whooing us to Your heart.


Question for You: Would you rather give a gift that was excitedly received, or one that was received reluctantly?

Punishment???

Question for You: Do you perceive a baby as ever being a form of punishment?

Reducing Infant Mortality

I found this video refreshing, because these are mostly people who work/ed in hospital environments, and they see the stats that support less intervention in pregnancy, more education for mothers, and the great need for midwives to help the medical system be relieved of some of the work load so they can deal with those that are in need of surgery and more specialized care due to disease and such.


The comment is made that only in America is a surgeon there at non-complicated births, when somebody not trained in surgery could have done the same work. Canada, too. Sad. No wonder our systems are overloaded and failing.



Again, pregnancy, labour and delivery are not inherintly dangerous. They are miraculous moments where families are born or enlarged, and generally don't require medical intervention.

Yes, it can be great to have medical technology and trained hands to help when/if a problem arises. But to assume that problems will arise is foolishness.

Near the end of this video a lady talks about the public thinking that midwifery is only for use in the home environment, when it is also available for in-hospital. And yet here in Nova Scotia, as I shared in a previous post (Midwifery in Nova Scotia : I'm Irked!) the midwives can't do homebirths but ONLY hospital births. It's unfortunate. At least in British Columbia you can use a midwife for either a homebirth or a hospital birth. You get to pick the place.



Question for You: What's your views on midwifery?

Quickening

I know its really early in the pregnancy, and I've had a doctor previously say that women don't feel quickening even as early as 14 weeks (because at that time I was claiming that at 14 wks I could feel my baby moving)......but I'm sure I felt this baby flutter yesterday. I was 12 wks + 4 days yesterday.

Anyways, I always absolutely adore this stage. I love to feel that life within. Like a little tickle from the inside. Better than having 'butterflies'.

Question for You: What's the earliest you've ever felt 'quickening'?