No Schedules?

I occasionally plan out a schedule, in hopes that I might feel like we've accomplished more at the end of the day.  I know there are things we would like to get done, but often we are poor managers of our time and we allow it to be wasted away at doing mindless stuff.

But schedules have never seemed to fit my personality.  I feel very restricted by them.  Controlled from the outside, imposed upon, rather than self-controlled.

What works best for me/us is to have a basic outline, an idea of the most important things we want to get accomplished on a typical day, and then we see to it that those things are done, but not at a pre-scheduled time.  For example, we have Reading Aloud Time, where I read to the children (usually all of them).  This usually takes place at least 5 days a week, and we try to get it done before noon but sometimes it takes place during lunch while the children are gathered to eat.

I know that schedules don't work for a lot of people, and so I wanted to pass on what Jessica/FishMama has so openly shared about managing her own time while home-educating her 6 children and making the household function well.  So, check this out!

I don't like to add more Obligations into my life, and that's what a Schedule says to me.  I like to live a Simplified Life, and having a basic game plan from which I work, but that allows lots of flexibility within its parameters......that's something I can work with.  It IS what I work with.  And I like that.

Bandana Mania

The Culprit.  Chelle got it all going.

Both Mitch and Anders had them around their necks in these pics

but they both are adorable wearing them on their heads.

Only people missing these is Laars, Mom and Dad. 

No luck finding me wearing one, but Everette actually has something like a bandana he wore while we were in Belize. 

 It had a tube of some kind of gel that expands and keeps you cool when its soaked in water. 

Laars would probably like one, I'd think, if somebody was so kind to give him one.

'Typical' Minimalists?

"We’re a pretty diverse lot, with people in a vast range of economic and family conditions, places, and employment. But to read some minimalists, you’d think we’re a nation of childless, 20-something information workers, living out of backpacks and Macbooks as we commute between $500-a-chair seminars on how to blog our way to financial independence.

There are not many people who would want or be able to live this manner."

Chris Baskind

Try..... more than twice their age, married, with 9 children, SAH-homeschooling mom with entrepreneurial dad, living in a big rental house because people think we need all the space and wouldn't rent a smaller place to us 'with all those kids', with out-of-commission computers (except for the ones through the school....thank God for funding), no money for seminars of any kind, and blog because I like it, even if I'm not a good writer.

That's what makes it a bit frustrating at times, to read about minimalists and the way they make their decisions in life, and then realize that it just is not even practical for a family like ours.  

Let's get real!!

They talk about 2 plates and 2 cups and 2 sets of cutlery because there are 2 adults in the house hold.  They undoubtedly wash their dishes after ever meal in the kitchen sink, and have the spotless kitchen ready for the next meal.  Add 6 or more children to the mix and its difficult to have a spotless kitchen except between the hours of midnight and 5am when all hungry littles ought to be asleep.  Once dawn breaks it can seem like an endless revolving door in the kitchen.   In our house at least, there are always glasses and tumblers on the counter for the constant need for hydration.  Re-used throughout the day.

I don't get excited about decorating in white.  I love colour, and so far my favourite kitchen was done in a deep red (blue-undertone ).  I adore green, almost any tone.  I love the serenity it invokes.

Going without a vehicle?  Not likely.  Try a gas-guzzling 15-passenger van.  I know.  Bad for the environment.  We are trying to do our part.  But we obviously blew it when we had our 2nd or 3rd child.  Could it have been the un-filtered water we drank?

We might be sleeping on mattresses or sleeping bags on the floor, but honestly, if we hadn't given beds up for light travelling 3+ yrs ago, we might still have a bed or two.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm quite happy without the beds.  But I don't think I would have just given them away if they were still in good condition, just to feel more minimalist.  And, the point to that would be...?????

If you are new at learning about minimalism, I warn you to think for yourself.  See what fits and what doesn't, and throw the rest of the ideas out.  Think about your relationship to your stuff--present and possible future purchases--and be mindful about it all.  Do what suits your family.  In all things, be yourself.  Be unique.

There is nothing Typical about being You.

Featured on Miss Minimalist

Francine writes a wonderful blog as Miss Minimalist, and on Monday's she's been running a series where she features a reader of hers and their own personal journey of Minimalism.

Today, she's featured Moi!

So go on over and see the post, and be sure to check out other posts.  She has a wealth of information to share.

(DPP) Watching Movies

We pull the couches up in front of our biggest computer screen and watch a movie.  

No TV for us, but this works just fine.

And now those with needlework projects like to do it while watching a movie, 

or while Mom reads aloud.

Oh, and welcome to Winter (officially).

Crazy Day for a Party

We had it all planned out.

Saturday we would meet Rauchelle in Nanaimo and pick Layne up at the Duke Point ferry.  We'd go for lunch and spend some family time celebrating Layne's birthday which was actually the day before (Friday).  Then Chelle would return to O's where she lives, and we'd take Layne home with us for the weekend.

Then we made the Birthday call to Layner Friday morning and sang "Happy Birthday" to her.  She announced that what she had planned for the afternoon had fallen through so now she was free and could come over today (Friday, her actual birthday).  So with some quick phone calls we changed plans for the day. 

Instead of a fairly quiet day at home preparing for Shabbat (bake bread, vacuum house and clean bathrooms) we whipped into action, got the bread rising, baked a cheesecake, did the house work, made a bed up (on the floor) for Layne, packed changes of clothes for the little guys, ate quick lunch and hit the road by 1 pm to pick Layne up at Duke Point 22 hours ahead of our original schedule ;)  and proceeded to travel up to O's for the One-Day-Late American Thanksgiving Dinner intended for an American who had to cancel coming and which turned out to be a Birthday Dinner for Layne instead!!  With fresh challah that rose beautifully in spite of getting a few chills en route, and an Oreo Cheesecake Danaka baked before leaving home, and an awesome meal put on by Lisa and Rauchelle.  It was a huge Success.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAYNE!!

Musical Pillows

When you don't have chairs

but you want to have a Fun Family Night

what do you do?

 

Pull out the stack of Pillows

Plug in the music, and.....

Play Musical Pillows

 Layne danced her way around the pillows, and amazingly was one of the last players still in at the end of each round!!

 We all had a hoot, and it was a great way to end our week with Layne, having so much fun!

                           And what do you do if your sister Maret gets the final pillow?????

                                         ATTACK!!!

Prejudice Against Big Families Renting

Maybe we are wearing our feelings a bit on our sleeves, but honestly it feels like we are experiencing alot of prejudice these days against our family for the number of children we have.

We are still in search of a rental place for our family.   We've been at this for a month now, and heard endless No's from landlords.

There are certainly a lot of places vacant out there.  From Sooke to Shawnigan Lake, Langford to Sidney and out to Salt Spring Island.   And the ones we looked at in August are still vacant this month, for the most part.

They all want your money, until you mention that the 'large family' that you have is actually 7 children (we don't even explain that we have 2 older ones, because we don't want to overload their minds).  I realize they have a difficult time computing that. 

"You probably need a much bigger place than this."   (Well, we were looking at your rental because we thought it actually would suit our family just fine, Thanks.)

"I don't think this would be big enough for you, then."  (What, aren't we able to make that decision for ourselves, that you must make that call on our behalf?)

The other day I was totally irked (pissed maybe?) when a fella said, "I was thinking about how many (ppl) there are, and I think I'd have to raise the rent for you....."  and then he was saying how the last renters (3 ppl) water bill was actually $180 for 2 months and ours would likely be much larger than that, and so he wanted to raise the rent.

Excuse Me??!!!! 

I said it would be understandably fair to discuss the water bill in 'actuality' rather than assuming that we would use more water.  We'd be willing to pay the difference, or what the actual water bill was, etc., but I resented the assumption that it would go up higher just because there were 3 times more of us than the previous renters, and therefore he wanted to raise the rent.

Then he said, (which was likely more the truth rather than the water excuse) "Well, there would be more wear-and-tear on the house and property with all those kids."  Granted, that is a reasonable comment and assumption.  But still an assumption.  It is assumed that children are harder on things than adults.  But we all know adults who are messier and rougher than children.  And we know families with only 1 or 2 children who are messier, rougher, more destructive than larger families.

Another excuse has been 'thats too many for the septic'. 

I think that's hog-wash.  (Okay.....that's my own assumption.)  It is reasonable to think that houses that are built with 4 bedrooms would automatically have a septic system that could handle 8 people (that's only 2 people per bedroom).  That's 8 people.  Oh, golly, 9 of us (of which only 2 of us are adults) all of a sudden makes it too much volume on the septic system.  One must never have guests come and stay, or at least hope they are constipated!!!

And then I've read really weird ads on craigslist and kijiji.  Like somebody renting out a 3 bedroom place, blah blah blah, maximum occupancy is 2.  Hello?  It's got 3 bedrooms.  What is that wasted space supposed to be used for?  What reasoning is that? 

I don't get it.  Maybe I'm not thinking for myself here.  Can somebody help me with that reasoning????  3 bedrooms for 2 people maximum.  Hmmmm?

One fella called us a couple of days after we viewed his home for rent, to let us know that he'd been thinking about it (hope he didn't lose any sleep over it) and decided that his house really wasn't going to work for us.  Thanks, man.  We couldn't decide that for ourselves!  (Jeesh, maybe that's why we hadn't phoned him back to put in an application.  You think?  Obviously, we can't think for ourselves.  But then, that's probably why we ended up with so many children.  We didn't think!!)

Ok, I'm ticked off. 

I know that we could live in a small house, even 1500 sq feet or less.  We truly don't own so much stuff any more so a larger house will sound hollow.  But we've been looking at bigger not because we need the space, but because the landlords basically are insisting on it.  They assume we live like the average American (x3 for all the children) so we need more space.  And we waste water & electricity like the rest of the average.

I'm tempted to lie about how many children we have so we can rent a more appropriate house for our family and the simple lifestyle, and save some money. 

Argh.

The Way This Big Family 'Home Schools'

Many people ask us how we 'home school', so I thought I might just throw together something to say about it.


First off, I'm kind of put-off by that label.....home school. First off, it implies that we do what they do at school, but instead of going some where's for the day, we do the same sort of thing here at home. (We don't.)

Secondly, it's with an assumption that 'schooling' of any kind is a normal occurrence, and that to not school is abnormal.

Thirdly, in the 'home school movement', our family would be considered more of the 'unschooling' group. Very un-bookish (re: textbooks). So, we aren't a typical 'home school' family.  (Not sure we are 'typical' in any sense of the word!)

Fourthly, the assumption is that children go to school, or do school, as a means of gaining an education.  As if nothing can be learned outside of the acceptable 'going' and 'doing'.  As if learning is something to acquire at a designated place, in an ascribed manner. Like filling a bucket up with something that is measurable (the whole reason for testing).  And one thing is considered more worthy to be acquired, and that worthiness is decided upon by.......Whom??

My philosophy, shall we say, is very simple.

We learn by being.

 By being inquisitive; curious. 

Being present in the moment. 

By questioning.  

By knowing there is never a stupid question.

We learn by experiences that delight our senses. 

Exploration, whether that is via books, or ones imagination,

or physically exploring a subject or place. 

We ingest information when we have an appetite for it,

not when it is forced.

My motto basically is "We Learn By Living".

This really is The Simple Life.  The life lived around relationship, more than accomplishment.  Motivated by relationship with one another, and with God, rather than a list of what one must know or do to be considered successful.

I know that I still have much to learn.  And what do I consider worth learning about?

LOVE

Read 1 Corinthians 13.  Known as The Love Chapter.  I can do all the wonders of this world, both physically and spiritually, but if I have not love...........I am nothing.  Really, 

Love is All We Need! 

 

 

(My philosophy is pretty much the same when it comes to my relationship with my Loving Heavenly Father. It is not about the doing, the going, the measuring. It's the being. I am His and He is mine. It's that simple. I just am.)

Question for You:  Do you have a motto you live by?

What's Going On in There?

It's just one of those remote controlled vacuum thingies that took the children by surprise.  Uncle had it stashed under a nightstand and one day out of the blue it came to life!!

With a large family full of different personalities, there is virtually always somebody who will be interested in or find humour in any event.  Life with the littles is always entertaining.

Gaelyn's View of the Family

Some things I ponder from my observation...

why do some of us have teeth, and the rest don't? 

Does she really see as all as happy people?  

Does Mommy really have rosy cheeks like she portrays?

Believe me, we all wear clothes in real life.  

And I'm so glad she didn't indicate our genders

since we weren't wearing any clothes.

Talk about immodesty!!!

Oh, go visit Andrea Nison's blog  to read this & that, 

where she's writing about dressing modestly,

 and her dh's v-blog about the subject.

A Common Evening Event

http://www.familyroommedia.com/Videoclips.html

The Centrality of the Home

Oh my!!

Here is a hot audio by Voddie Bauchum.  You might not like it.  But there is truth here.  It might 'hurt' if you are involved with or run a Youth Group at your church.  It might hurt if you have stopped with having 2 children, or maybe 3.  Voddie hits hard, but this is a message that needs to be heard. 


This audio is the foundation of Voddie's book Family Driven Faith.  It's about how we are to Evangelize and Disciple the Next Generation.  How are we doing it?  Well, statistically the church has failed.  At this rate there will be just a handful of Christians in a few more generations here in America.

Question for You:  How do you think it is best to pass on your values to the next generation?

Family Clothes

Our Family Attitude about Laundry

We teach our children to re-wear their clothes, unless its obviously grubby. There is no need to wash that which is still clean or just slightly soiled. Yes, sometimes they aren't the greatest judge in that department and we have to instruct them to put something in the laundry basket that they thought was fine to wear another day. But they'll learn to be better judges as they have opportunity to practice.

Bath towels are re-used.

Bedding is changed on irregular schedules. When we lived in Qualicum everybody seemed to get sand in their beds, so we had to brush them out daily and wash weekly. In winter when the dc are inside more of the time and less grungy, the bedding gets done less often. But if there is sickness around, we may wash pillow cases more frequently, along with throw blankets on the couches.

We do at least one load of laundry per day, using a front-load washer. Probably 10 loads a week maximum, unless there's accidents or sickness. When we are constantly washing versus letting laundry pile up and doing one laundry day per week, we require less clothes per child. That means that a child like Anders who has a favorite shirt, which presently is his newish yellow shirt that matches Laars', he can wear it almost everyday of the week because it gets laundered almost as soon as he gets it soiled enough to enter the basket! He's a happy boy in his happy shirt.

I know that some large (& little) families have each age-appropriate child being responsible to get their own laundry done and have a day assigned for them to get it done on. We don't own enough clothes for each child to fill the wash with just their own stuff, so we've never done this.

We all take responsibility for getting the laundry done by helping out when asked, and when somebody actually has something soiled that they want cleaned fairly soon, then they take the initiative to get the laundry started, as long as there are enough things to warrant a load. Otherwise, they will just practice patience and wait.

Although I understand the reasoning behind putting one person in charge of laundry, or each in charge of their own stuff, I don't agree with the mentality I see behind those practices. I don't support the mentality of which unions thrive....."I won't do that because that's not my job to do." Argh! Nor do I think we ought to encourage taking care of only ones own stuff. We share the joys and responsibilities within the family, all working together for the well-being of all of us. This works for us, anyways. Maybe not for others.

Anyways, somebody gets laundry started, and somebody gets it shifted into the dryer, and somebodies fold it, and somebodies get it put away!!! That's how it works for us. Really simple! From the littles helping mommy at the machines or folding, to the pre-adolescents who can do it all, we get the job done, and it virtually never piles up.

And I have always refrained from pouring clean laundry on our bed to get around to folding sometime before I am able to climb into bed at night. I have always tried to keep our bed and the room nice and tidy so dh and I can enjoy it, and more inclined to enjoy one another there without vying with clutter.

My dream house would have a big work room where lots of the guts of family life would take place. Maybe that's a whole nother post?!

Ironing

It's against my religion!! But my friend Denise, its part of hers!!

It's just not something we do. We generally avoid buying clothes that require ironing and/or dry cleaning for reasons of expense, time, and environment. But primarily because I simply hate ironing. I would likely forget to pick clothes up at the cleaners within the month, too. So we let other people purchase those high-maintenance clothes!

When we take things out of the dryer quickly after the cycle has ended, and we deal promptly with the clothes ie, hanging them, then we avoid much of the wrinkles. The other wrinkles.... we wear them out. Works for us.

We haven't owned an ironing board in about 20 years, although until 2 years ago we owned an iron for touch-ups for important occasions and for sewing projects. But presently we don't own an iron. Another thing we don't have to pack with us.

Storing Clothes

Like I mentioned, we try and keep our clothes pretty much to a minimum. This picture is of a 'dresser' for Toveli, Gaelyn and Anders. Each of them gets one drawer for their clothes (underwear, socks, pants, shirts, dresses where applicable!). We have another 'dresser' like this for Danaka, Mitch and Maret to share, but they also each have one shelf in a wardrobe they can use, and they share a rod in that wardrobe for anything that needs to be hung up. Laars' clothes all fit on one shelf in our closet.

I store out-of-season or clothes to grow in to in Rubbermaid tote boxes. And I don't store clothes unless they are in good condition, and applicable for somebody to use within 2 years. Otherwise I will pass them along so somebody else can make use of them during that time while still somewhat in fashion, and so they won't be destroyed by mold or mice or anything like that. They might as well be keeping somebody warm and putting a smile on their faces rather than gracing the inside of a plastic box. How foolish is that?

Question for You: Do you insist on your children wearing purchased pajamas to bed?

A Time of Encouragment and Blessing

Our last day having the whole family together (for now) under one roof. We took the opportunity to share words of encouragement between one another and pour out blessings on each members' lives. This is what we did (minus Anders who refused to be a part of any of it. Bummer)





We put one person at a time to sit on an ottoman in the centre of the living room. We each voiced what we liked about that person, what they've done that has been a blessing or been a good example to us, what we admire in their life, how we see the Lord working in their life, etc.


We worked our way up from youngest to oldest. Notice, everybody was wearing a happy face! I'm not sure exactly why, but mama was the only one who cried. (Chelle admitted to getting a bit teary-eyed, but I just thought she was coming down with a cold!)






When you sit there with a room full of people talking about you, it can be a bit embarrassing and awkward to hear them praising you for something you feel utterly inadequate about. We are our hardest critics. We give grace to others, not expecting them to be perfect, but when people admire us we seem to think "Yeah, but you don't know how many times I ________ (fill in the blank.....ie.screw up)."



Of course, we aren't looking for perfection in one another. We are looking for the good (not the perfect), and we are focusing on that, to build one another up in the Lord. To see how the Lord is working through each other, and how we see them yielding to the Lord.



After we blessed Everette/Dad (oh, yeah, he was kinda looking like a cold was coming on, too, with teary eyes and a bit of a runny nose also!!) then we put an individual in the centre of a circle we formed around them and danced around them while holding hands with the others and shouting/singing "We Bless (insert name)!" along with kisses, pinched butts, tickles, or in the case of Rauchelle we kick-butt!!! Lots of laughter and giggles and loves.


What a great time! I think everybody feels better after an uplifting time like that. Nothing beats a family having fun together!!!!





Question for You: Does your family do something to purposely bless one another?

Supersize me - mothers of large families share the joy

Supersize me - mothers of large families share the joy

Shared via AddThis

I can identify with the mother who wrote this article. Particularly about the joys of having a big family. I have a few things that irk me about how the world negatively views large families, and is truly discriminatory when limiting family rates to family size of 5 (usually 2 adults and up to 3 dependent children). We experienced that quite a few times when traveling with our larger-than-average brood.

But I must trumpet that having a big family is AWESOME!!!! The free entertainment afforded by the creative individuals is priceless.

Question for You: Do you have, or come from, a large family?

Life around here

Sad to say, its rained or we've been fogged in every single day since Summer Solstice/Father's Day. The fog was chilly, and often we get big winds here. The dc are getting a little stir-crazy, which is especially discouraging since it is supposed to be summer here. Usually we like to get to some celebration for Canada Day, but the weather isn't looking very co-operative in that department. Bummer!

I've been taking in lots of the Raw Mom Summit, and enjoying quite a few speakers even though we come with different philosophies of origins and life forces, etc. But I am encouraged by many of them. It's been a bit much, and I've chosen to skip a few speakers all together, or glean tidbits here and there as I tried to 'fast-forward' best I could. I admit, my family hasn't functioned as well this week while mom has spent more hours with a headset on. I think I'm done now, although there's another day or two left.

I asked Danaka to venture out in the pouring rain this morning to pick some wild strawberry leaves, and she was followed by Anders. We made a small batch of infusion and drank it all up this afternoon. She's got another mason jar steeping for the night. I learned about infusions by Susun Weed this week on the Summit, and it is definitely something I want to start doing in this pregnancy right away once I get my herbs ordered and delivered. She was comparing the calcium content one would get from making a nettle tea (5mg) to a nettle infusion (250mg), and it seems like a no-brainer way of getting vitamins and minerals in an easily utilized way, and cheaper than supplements.

I'm working back into doing more reading aloud with the dc. I always enjoy doing that. There were many, many days that I'd read for 4 or more hours to Layne and Rauchelle, even days I'd start to lose my voice. We so enjoyed traveling to nether-lands with each other, living lives very unlike our own. I want to do that more and more with these 'younger dc', but there's always those who are left wandering around, having nobody to play with **** because their playmates are listening to mom read. But, somehow we'll work through this.

A few weeks back we received 'The Story About Ping' through bookmooch.com (we used to own it, and now we do again!) and it has become Anders' favorite now. Honestly, I'm glad we've moved past 'Madeline'. That one personally wears on me after just a couple of readings.

Well, just wanted to let you know we are alive way over here on the island hanging out in the Atlantic! I'm wanting to share about the fourth single word the Lord spoke to me last year as I really began this new journey with Him. In many ways, the final word (well, I know He's got more words for me, but the lessons at that time were limited to 4 simple words, one at a time) encompasses them all. Maybe I'll get some quiet time later tonight, or sometime tomorrow to process my thoughts somewhat cohesively!

****Toveli said to me last year "I wish we had more kids in the family, 'cause there's never anybody to play with".


Question for You: Do you get tired easily of reading the same children's books over and over again?

My Frustration

I found a new blog this morning called 'the voice of one crying in suburbia' http://tinyurl.com/llndgj worth reading, which led me to an excellent article at http://tinyurl.com/nft7bt
They both have articles about having children and the quiverfull idea. In light of what I just wrote the other day, I thought they were timely.

I was particularly impressed by Dr. Voddie Baucham who is a pastor. I seldom hear pastors who 'endorse' the quiverful belief, and find it disturbing that Christians live their lives very much like the society around them. And even in 'economic downturn' times, we Christians ought to be shining beacons to those around us, marching to a heavenly beat that's not of this world, living differently.

This winter while we were away in Arizona, we often heard about God being into 'multiplication.....not addition'. But what disturbed me was that people like that idea when it comes to multiplication of their time, or resources, or their joy, or their pocketbook......but it was never about children. Never. But in reality, the very first time in Scripture that multiplication was directed at man, it was for Adam and Eve to 'be fruitful and multiply'.

Gen 1:28 And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it [using all its vast resources in the service of God and man]; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and over every living creature that moves upon the earth.

I have never come across a scripture that said God nullified that command. Of course, reproduction has nothing to do with salvation. I clearly know that. But He is a God of fruitfulness, abundance, multiplication. Why would we think He wants us to multiply or be abundant in all areas of our lives, but not in bearing children made in His image?

I am honestly, sincerely, questioning why the vast majority of Christians don't 'get' the quiverful idea about children. If you have some input, let me know. I just don't get it.

We were surrounded this winter by people who operate in the supernatural, but none that I am aware of, believe in letting God plan their family. It's like they have faith for limbs to grow back, they have faith for prostitutes to become new creations, they have faith to see money miraculously appear in their bank accounts, they have faith for metal-rods and cancerous tumours to dissolve out of body's. But they don't seem to have faith that if left naturally, that married couples will only produce babies that God intended for them; that the woman's body can healthily and vibrantly carry a child to term & deliver a healthy baby naturally without complications; and that all the family's 'needs' will be met not by the measure of their need but "according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."(Phil 4:19)

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone out there. But....This is my heart, and this is my frustration.


Question for You: What things frustrate you the most?

NOTE: As of July 2011, my dh and I no longer agree with much of the QF mindset.

Our Journey to Quiverfull

Everette and I met and were married within 5.5 mths. Two weeks after our wedding night we conceived Layne. It hadn't been in our plans, but we were excited. Seventeen & half mths later Rauchelle was born. Four months later I conceived again but that ended in our first miscarriage (m/c). It seemed obvious to us that if we didn't pursue something stronger than the mini-pill and condoms/spermicide, we'd be multiplying like rabbits. We didn't like the idea of long-term pharmaceuticals.

Our pastor had pre-maritally suggested we not have children for at least 2 years into our marriage so we could really get to know one another. We obviously hadn't followed that plan (well, we had intended on waiting 4 years, but we started out differently than we had anticipated. And its turned out fantastic!) Now as parents of 2 dd's and a recent m/c, we sought 'spiritual counsel' from other married couples in the church, and they each suggested that "the guy should get a vasectomy because the wife's already been through enough with the pregnancies and deliveries." We also heard that "women will always have that nurturing desire/urge to have more babies" and "God gave you a brain and He expects you to use it", and "You are supposed to be good stewards."

So, we dutifully went ahead and Everette had a quick and free vasectomy.

At first we thought it was like a new-found freedom. We no longer worried about getting pregnant, and didn't have to bother with paraphernalia. We had the 'perfect little family' of two girls close in age. What could be better?

After a few years I started to regret the vasectomy, and the self-inflicted infertility that we had brought to our marriage. I started to question the reasons why we had decided to limit our family size, and basically it came down to an underlying issue of FEAR and SELFISHNESS. Fear of the future, of the ability to provide physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally for more children. Fear of the state of the world we'd be bringing more children into. Selfishness concerning sleep, personal time, self-development, ministry involvement.

We never searched the Scriptures to see if what so-and-so said was true (Acts 17:11) which was a big mistake of ours. Although we had both grown up in the church and knew that children were considered blessings according to Psalm 127, we didn't consider that limiting our family size might be a form of rejecting what God considered a blessing. And honestly, we didn't seek God's will in the decision.

It was through God bringing particular people, books, teachings and events into our lives that He began to speak clearly to my heart. I realized that I had rejected His perfect plan for the Christian marriage which I believe is to enjoy the marriage bed AND ... "Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth." (Malachi 2:15)

Yes, I know that Malachi is saying that He wants godly offspring and it can be argued that we would have more time to devote to achieving godly offspring if we had fewer children, but a major element about all of life and the stuff (ie. ministry) that we do is that we predominantly do it in our own strength vs abiding in Him (that's a whole other post!)

Anyways, from Scripture it's very clear that God likes children, He calls them a blessing, He even calls grandchildren (which you can't have unless you've had some children somehow) "a crown to the aged" Prov 17:6

Throughout the Old & New Testaments I repeatedly find that God is a God of fruitfulness and multiplication, and ever since the Garden of Eden He's been wanting His people to be blessed likewise.....Be fruitful and multiply.

Throughout Deuteronomy but particularly in chapter 28 I find clear descriptions of what He says are Blessings, and the things that He calls Curses. Verses 4 & 11 both talk about being fruitful in the womb. Verse 11 actually says "The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb". What? Abundant prosperity?? Doesn't our mindset say that the fruit of the womb will suck our bank accounts dry? I've heard that until each of our children are 18yo he/she will cost us something like US$250,000?

On the other hand, if "you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:....v18 The fruit of your womb will be cursed". Other books in the Old Testament talk of times that God said He closed the wombs because of judgment. A closed womb was never considered a desirable thing, until recent history. That isn't because God changed His view on the womb and children, but because society has changed its view on His blessings.

When I read the whole 28th chapter of Deut, I find that the fruit of the womb is about the only thing mentioned as a blessing that in today's society we choose to limit or even resist. Okay, maybe I wouldn't desire a herd of cattle, but considering that they were a great source of income as was olive oil, I'd gladly accept an abundance of that! I wouldn't want to limit or reject anything that God says is desirable!! The blessings are because the LORD wants to grant us abundant prosperity.

I started to get grossed out thinking about what we had actually done to Everette's body, that had once been working wonderfully according to God's plan (but not ours). When I researched about vasectomies and found out what undo stress it places on the man's body (because fluids that were meant to be kept within the vas deferens now went into the body cavity and were seen as invaders), I was anxious for Everette to have a reversal, even if we never had more children. I wanted his body to be working the way it was designed.

There were many issues we had to work out in our individual lives, and hash over as a couple. Months after I was convicted that we hadn't trusted God fully, Everette came to his own realization. Honestly, I did hope to have more children, but Everette didn't particularly desire more. He was content with the 2 we had, and really the sole purpose that he pursued a reversal was to make right what he had done out of lack-of-faith. He felt it was necessary for him to pay restitution for his sin.

It was 6.5 yrs since he'd had a vasectomy, and once we found the right surgeon to do the operation, they wanted to check his level of sperm-antibodies before agreeing to the surgery (lower antibodies supposedly equals greater chance of successful outcome meaning pregnancy). But even before we got the blood test results back Everette decided that it had nothing to do with the possibility of conception, but being made clean before the Lord. It was within our means to have a reversal (free snips for the vas, but thousands of dollars to get it reversed!! Oh, and its a lie (from the pit of hell) that a guy gets 'fixed' when he gets a vasectomy! He's gotten broken.)

We anxiously awaited the surgery date, which was February 16th, 2 days after we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Everette felt like he was awaiting a big spanking.....while I anticipated receiving more children from the hand of God. But both of us felt utter peace...unexplainable peace...during the time immediately around the surgery. That peace has remained all these years as long as we keep abiding in Him, and don't get our eyes onto our own limitations.

Absolutely amazing to me was that the first cycle I had after Everette was 'back to normal', we conceived Danaka. That was a miracle. It is normal to conceive between 3-12 months after the reversal.

So for those that don't know each of our children and their spacing, here's a list of the of the girls and boys and the years they were born.
DD1 1986
DD2 1988
m/c 1988
reversal 1996
DD3 1996
DS1 1998
DD4 2000
m/c 2001
DD5 2002
m/c 2003
DD6 2004
DS2 2006
DS3 2007
m/c 2009
expecting 2010


I've often thought about writing out what my QF (quiverful) philosophy is, and so I've given it a try. Hope it makes sense. It is part philosophy, but mostly our journey. A journey in growing in our faith in a good God who has abundance for us. Abundance in ALL things that are good.


**Now, a common misconception (no pun intended) is that quiverful is equal to having lots of children. That just is not true. Quiverful is more of a mindset rather than a particular look. One can be quiverful with 1,5,8 or 20 children. The goal is not 'more is better'. It's a trust that God has a perfect family size and spacing for each married couple, and we won't end up with too many nor too few by not using contraceptives.

***Stupid Comments and Smart Come-backs


Question for You: If you have a larger-than-average family size, what are some of the stupidest questions you've been asked?


NOTE:  As of July 2011 neither my dh nor I attest to be QF-minded.  We have gone through a few years of questioning our religious beliefs, which have made us re-evaluate our QF beliefs.  I no longer stand by what I wrote above.