Released

From my sisters house we look out to this head.  To me, it is one of the unique geographical features that make the eastcoast so different from the west.  I love it.

So, it seemed an appropriate place for the family to release Samuel's ashes, before we leave Cape Breton.  This is the place where he was conceived.  The place he lived within my womb.  The only place I ever felt him kick (just one precious kick I have to treasure in my heart and memory), the place where he died, and was born.  His entire little life was lived here, and so that is where we released him.

It was a few months ago that I brought up the idea to Everette about us releasing his ashes here.  It was a day I realized that I would be 'upset' if the urn was knocked over and the ashes spilled, having to be swept or vacuumed up, and I thought how disrespectful that seemed (to me).  I knew I didn't want to be worrying about this little urn, what the children might do to it.  After all, I know that my son is not in that urn.  His spirit lives on, without restrictions.  But what remains of his earthly body, ashes to ashes, I wanted to respect, but never to idolize them.  And so, as a family, on the day I've chosen to celebrate the beginning of his life (conception), we chose to each release him. 

Of course, most of us cried.  He was our son, our brother, our dream, our flesh.  He will be forever remembered.

Samuel Xavier Douglas Johnson 2009