Just As I Am

I grew up attending a big city church in Vancouver, BC where almost every Sunday evening we sang the hymn "Just As I Am" as a call to the prayer room.  I could sing all the stanzas by heart back then, but a few of the phrases escape my memory at present.  It's been decades since I sang that song.

Anyways, laying in bed in the mornings usually with Laars pressed against my back, trying to lay still so not to disturb him, this  is my quiet time of reflection, of meditation, of worship, of listening.  Once the household comes alive in the morning there isn't usually quiet time to hear my own thoughts, to hear my hearts cry, to connect with the yearnings stirring within me.

I believe I can hear Holy Spirit speaking to me during the events of the day, some of them at least ;) but when life gets busy and noisy, like any conversation, its harder to hone in on just one person speaking when the room is full of many people talking. Thus, I like to hear Holy Spirit talking in the morning, in the moments before the sun has even peeked its head above the horizon.

In my journey these last few years, a large part of which has included disconnecting from the institutional church meetings and structure, I have grown more and more comfortable of just being.  In contrast to all the doing.  So, even laying in bed quietly, without Bible and pen and paper, without 'worship' music on, with just me and my Creator, I am really comfortable with that now.

I was always afraid of 'being led astray', when hearing something but not able to measure it against the Bible.  But I am confident that Christians have made a god of the Bible, and have negated that Holy Spirit speaks to them, individually.  We have chosen the letter, rather than the person.  We are unsure of listening to Him speaking to us one to one, and have defaulted to listening to a pastor, or to what is written.  But He has already written His ways on my heart, and He speaks to me daily, fresh and alive and current.

I don't need to fear.  Fear used to be a near-constant companion, wearing many different masks. But perfect Love casts out all fear, so I don't choose to live in that familiar fear place any more.  I choose to live inside of Love.

LOVE

That's my quest.

A learning.

  An adjustment.

 A journey.

I live inside of God,

and He lives inside of me. 

I don't need any of the doings. 

I Just Am.